Chapter 38: Reassessment
August 22, 2024
Dad and I have been talking for a few weeks now about mom’s loss of interest in…well, a lot of things. She also seems quite reluctant to leave the house of her own volition. We decided that it might be time for a reassessment of whether or not we can qualify for any kind of home care or other supports – mostly to give dad a break. And yes, we are aware of how awful that sounds. But so is whatever mom is battling – and it’s getting harder to live a “normal” life. Specifically, one without constant worry.
Dad called our assigned caseworker from Alberta Health Services’ Home Care program and asked for her to come to the house so we could do a formal interview. I took the morning off work so I could be there for it.
Our caseworker certainly seems nice enough. She came over and she asked mom a few questions, in front of dad and me of course. And then I felt like a real jerk while I led mom to another part of the house to do her crossword book so dad and I could have a private chat with the caseworker. My mom is not a child, she is a fully grown and very accomplished woman. Yet, here we are – acting as though we need to protect her from the reality of adult conversations. Yuck.
Based on the follow-up questions that dad and I were asked, it was determined that mom is still perfectly independent. She doesn’t need help with any sort of grooming or bathing; she has her full mobility; and (thank God), she isn’t a wanderer, so we don’t have to worry about her randomly leaving the house when dad isn’t there.
Still, there short-term memory impairment is beginning to wear on dad, just as it would anyone. It’s hard to answer the same question so many times in a row or in a day. I honestly don’t know what infinite reserve of patience dad has to manage this. He is so calm through everything. I would have lost my mind by now for sure.
Apparently there are some options for respite care, but we might be lower priority since mom is so physically. I wasn’t aware that several retirement homes and seniors’ centres in town offer something called “Elder Care” programming. It’s basically like sending a senior to school for a day. We have to drop mom off and pick her up, but otherwise, mom is in programming for about the length of a K-12 school day where there will be several organized activities with lunch provided. We have made an application for mom to start in a program that’s actually really close to my house on Wednesdays and Fridays. If dad was to drop mom off in the morning, and I picked her up, she could stay at my house until after dad comes back from the gym and then that gives me two clear days a week to do whatever and not worry about anything. I suppose that would also enable mom to see the kids a bit more and maybe even give them piano lessons once a week. I could cook with her on the other day. I still regret making plans with my Avozinha in the Fall of 2009, just before her winter trip to Goa, to have her teach me all of my favourite recipes when she came back in the Spring. And then, she died of a severe asthma attack while there – so she never came back. I can’t repeat that mistake here.
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