Chapter 22: Proactive Memory Preservation
February 2024
Today is a Sunday and so mom and dad are here as usual for dinner. Normally they arrive while we’re still trying to prepare everything and since Monday is a school day, it’s always a rush to get everyone fed on time so we can continue without interruption to bedtime routines. Fortunately, we seem to be ahead of schedule today so I engaged mom in some – well, I guess I’m going to call it “proactive memory preservation.” !!
Throughout her life, mom has been known for her outstanding musical talents. She has the gift of perfect pitch (which sadly, appears to have missed me) and as a result, she truly can just sit at the piano and play anything that comes to mind, even a melody she has only heard once. So today I decided that it would be a good idea to get at least a glimpse of this important element of mom’s identity captured for posterity.
Growing up, my parents were no strangers to hosting parties. And after dinner, when mom sat down at the piano to engage all of the adults in a sing-song, the kids always knew that meant we had at least another hour (or two) to stay up and keep playing games. The kids didn’t usually participate in the music-making (unless absolutely required), but I always knew things were about to get underway when mom would initiate the festivities with a rendition of the 1960’s song “Strangers on the Shore.”
A few years ago, I asked her why she always played that song at the start of a musical evening. She told me that the way she arranged it, it allowed her to touch nearly every key on the piano, and this would enable her to get a good feel for whether or not there were any “sticky keys” she had to watch out for – and also determine whether the piano was reasonably in tune. I remember being taken aback by this answer. To me, it had always just been a pretty tune and I thought maybe there was a memory of hers associated with it. I had no idea it was a deliberate sound check in action!
Before dinner, we went downstairs to the beloved Baldwin piano from my childhood (and which mom gifted to me shortly after my husband and I developed our basement), and we did a few video recordings of her playing the piece. And my heart stopped a little.
Mom had no problems remembering the songs or chords, but even after a few takes, it didn’t sound perfect, like the way it used to. Mom struggled with some of the arpeggios, especially at the end. She was frustrated by this as well – and I didn’t know what to do or say. This was not part of the plan. Did I wait too long to ask her to play for me? Is music – one of her lifelong loves – now going to be the source of pain?
I tried to soothe mom with the thought that perhaps it’s just too cold outside and maybe her hands hadn’t fully warmed up yet. I don’t know what was more unsettling. Witnessing mom have difficulties with a task she has been able to do in her sleep for decades; or the fact that after five minutes of distraction from the topic, she seemed to forget all about it.
This is really happening.
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