Chapter 55: Disorientation Double-Take
December 24, 2024
Unfortunately, dad is sick. He recently travelled to Portugal (during which time mom stayed with us) and seemed to pick up a particularly nasty bug on the flight home. He hasn’t been feeling well for a few weeks now – fortunately, he seems to be doing a good job of keeping his bugs to himself.
That issue aside, today is Christmas Eve and so as is our family tradition, we joined my mom for the early evening Mass at her church, and then planned to gather for a Chinese take-out dinner afterwards.
Usually, everyone comes to our place and then mom and dad stay overnight so they can be part of the Christmas morning madness. We’re going to skip the sleepover and so we had to make do with a restaurant that was closer to them rather than the place we usually use. Reviews were mixed. Well – I suppose that meets my overall mood this evening.
My husband and my kids wouldn’t have noticed any of this, but the Church service was a little disorienting – for me as much as it apparently was for mom! When I lived in Calgary, I was part of a choir at my neighbourhood church, so that drilled the Mass parts into my head pretty well, including the Advent and Lent season exclusions. All this to say – when it comes to keeping my sheet music organized – I know exactly what is going to happen and when.
My mother served as the Music Coordinator for her parish for nearly 40 years. During most of that time, she was an absolute fixture at the Saturday 5pm Mass and frequently led song/played piano for many a wedding or funeral. In fact, it was really only about a year ago that she stepped down and a longtime friend took over for her. (I’m not sure if mom stepped aside herself or if it was more gently suggested that perhaps someone should take over – that’s yet another question I’m not sure I actually want to know the answer to). So naturally, she knows her musical way around any kind of service. At least – she used to.
Since it was Christmas Eve and we got to Church a few minutes later than we should have, it was absolutely packed. We found seats, but I decided it might actually be more comfortable to sit at the piano with mom (hooray for long benches!).
That was all well and fine until everything got started. And for the first time in my life, I saw how disoriented mom was. She wasn’t panicked (thank God) but it was so clear that she had absolutely no idea on what was coming next. Her friends at the mic kept leaning over to tell her which hymn or Mass part was next; and even when to start playing. I should have been of more help than I was, but I was just so taken aback by how much help mom needed. It was hard to watch, harder to process…and so damn near impossible for me to actually do anything to make things better.
Church has been my mom’s second home for decades – even before she moved to Canada. If there’s anything that should be hardwired into her brain, it’s this! And yet, here she is – just waiting for someone else to tell her what to do.
If we can’t count on mom being able to remember things that should be easy, what is the road ahead going to look like for tasks that are more complex?
That’s too much to think about for tonight. Hopefully we’ll get through tomorrow just fine.
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