Chapter 39: When Dreams Become Nightmares

A few nights ago, I had a dream of a very relaxing family vacation in Mexico.  The weather was great, the kids were happy, I felt relaxed, and mom and dad were having a good time. But mom being there didn’t make any sense…because we are all clearly in Mexico to try and get away from everything after she died.  So, that was completely confusing and when I woke up, I was just so mad.  What right does my dream have to make me think that everything is normal and I’m not miserable only to have me come back to consciousness and realize that mom is gone forever?  Needless to say, I was not in a good mood for the rest of that day.

Then, last night – something even stranger happened.  The dream was a pretty normal “day in the life” kind of routine.  I think it was after school and the kids and I were doing some work to clean up in the backyard. But then – out of nowhere, my Avô appeared.  He just walked through the gate of my backyard to say hi and start telling me about some recipe he was hoping I would make for him.  That was even more unsettling because:

a) My Avô died 25 years ago – long before I even met my husband, let alone had a house or kids!

b) He suffered a stroke in 1995 and was unable to walk afterwards, so he only “travelled” by wheelchair…and since we had no choice but to put him in long-term care the last few years of his life, it’s not like his was super mobile and just wheeling himself around the place for visits.

c) Of all the things we ever talked about, cooking was certainly not one of them!  I really didn’t learn how to cook for myself until after he died – when I graduated from university and moved out of my parents’ house.

d) Even though he has been gone for so long, I still remember the sound of his voice.  And whatever was coming out of his mouth in my dream was all wrong.