Chapter 43: Decision Weekend

A few days ago, dad told me that mom received a call from her contact at the elementary school where she has been serving as a lunchroom supervisor for a few years now.  Back in May, they had asked her to sign a letter of agreement to come back for this school year.  However, the call this week was to inform mom that her services aren’t needed this school year.  They said it was a budget decision.  Dad and I suspect that mom’s memory troubles became obvious towards the end of the last school year and now everyone wants to avoid a liability situation.  Neither of us asked any follow-up questions.  Fortunately, mom hasn’t raised the issue since, either.

Frighteningly though, that’s not the worst of it.  I called dad earlier this week to privately chat with him about the mom-servations (one has to find the humour where possible, no?) I made during mom’s time staying with us.  And apparently that opened the floodgates.  For the first time, dad started to tell me in detail about the struggles he has been having this summer with mom and her short-term memory.  I honestly had no idea how hard things had become for him.  After reeling from the shock – and anxiety – about learning the truth and now wondering what could possibly come next, I asked dad why he didn’t tell me about any of this sooner.  Then, my heart broke when he answered.  Dad told me he didn’t want me to worry because I clearly have enough stress in my life right now.  There you have it folks.  You can be well into your 40s and your dad will still worry about you.  I know I should be so grateful for his caring, but honestly, I just felt like a failure as a daughter.  And I can’t fail him now – not after everything he and mom have done to support me my whole life!

So. I’ve decided I’m going to quit my job.  And soon.  Like, before the end of this month.

I simply can’t leave dad to manage all of this on his own.  But I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do for work.  Perhaps unsurprisingly, my husband is not terribly impressed.  I mean, of course he’s supportive of me wanting to help my parents, but I don’t think he’s quite the fan of my “have faith and it will work out” approach to, you know, financial projections for our family.  Especially with a long-planned family trip to India happening next month.  Risk-taking simply isn’t his forte – I suppose my  yin to his yang has been part of the reason we make sense together.  Still.  Aren’t unexpected situations like this exactly why we’ve both worked so hard to this point in our careers?  So that we can have a cushion that actually allows us the flexibility to try to do something new?  I really want to be there for mom, so I asked my husband to give me a year – if things are a disaster by next Christmas, I will go and get another regular job.  I know I’m employable…but for once…I think I’m going to try working for me.

As a result, I have spent pretty much all of this weekend crying, fantasizing, catastrophizing, and making calls to every single one of my close friends to talk through my next steps career “plan.”  The quotes around the word plan are very intentional – I don’t actually have much of a plan at all, I can’t quite argue with my husband on that point.

So, that’s that then.  I’m going to make a go of it as the head of my own consulting company.  I don’t have a clue about what’s involved in running a business.  But, I figure something has brought me this far in my career – surely I’ll figure it out?