Chapter 49: Asking is Hard

Fake plants notwithstanding, I think it’s time for me to start actually asking for help on how to manage the reality that mom just isn’t her usual self anymore.  I’m not someone who likes to ask for help, but I don’t think I have much of a choice anymore.

Let’s see. First of all, I’ve made the decision to start a business and I have absolutely zero idea on how to go about that.  Next, peri-menopause seems to be kicking me in the arse real hard – I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep.  Further, my twin children are turning into teenagers, and living through the full range of their hormone (and attitude!) changes aren’t always a barrel of laughs.  On top of all of this, I’m stressed about what’s happening to my mom and worried that my dad isn’t telling me the truth about what’s going on, because his default setting is to protect me.  So yeah, asking for help is going to be something I guess I need to start doing more of.

I took the first step today in making a call to the Alzheimer’s Society.  I’ve been so impressed by how they’ve been checking in on me ever since I went to that first support group meeting last summer.  I got the dates for the next session and am going to go to see what it feels like to be there…now that I (sadly) know I won’t be walking into “the wrong room.”  I’ve also found more information about their programs – it sounds like this First Link for Families course is an introductory session for family caregivers to understand what is happening in the brain of the dementia patient.  God, “family caregiver” – that is not a label I ever expected I would ever wear.  I’m not even sure that was a term that existed twenty years ago!  What an awful feeling.  I mean, of course I’m honoured to help mom and support dad, but it just feels so…wrong.  Like mom isn’t capable of looking after herself anymore…that’s not true!

I also found out that the Society is having a Christmas social at a location really close to my house next month.  I talked to dad about it – the two of us are going to go.  We’re not going to tell mom or take her with us.  She’s upset enough these days, we don’t need her thinking she has Alzheimer’s disease by taking her to an event with that name in it.