Chapter 33: One-Month Anniversary

September 29, 2025

Today was a real mixed bag – equal parts comforting, incredibly sad, and somewhat relieving; but overall, incredibly exhausting. 

The weather seemed to match everyone’s mood – it was cool, windy, and generally quite gloomy.  Maybe that helped?  It really didn’t seem like a day for celebration, so having bright sun and warmth would have probably felt like an extra slap in the face.

Early in the afternoon, we set out for dad’s place – with mom.  On the way, we stopped at a flower shop and picked up several rose stems – my daughter came in with me to help pick them out.  My Lord, I had no idea you could dye roses that many colours.  We picked one stem for each of us, dad, my sister, and my nephew.  

At dad’s place, I decided to pick up the photo of mom we have now framed.  Our photographer from the infamous “night before” gave us a really nice zoomed in shot of mom’s face from the photo he took of her and dad.  She looks so beautiful.  I still can’t believe that is the picture of a person who is going to pronounced dead not even nine hours later. Life can be so cruel.

Shortly after, we all made our way to the cemetery and the deacon from mom’s church was already there.  I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, so it was a very pleasant surprise to see the niche opened with the beautifully-engraved door set down right beside it.  They had also set out a draped table where we could set the urn and the framed photo of mom.

After the prayers, we kissed mom goodbye and put her inside.  Forever.  That was hard.

The grounds staff from the cemetery were standing by to put the door on the niche, so we waited around while they finished the work.  It really looks nice.  We then laid the flowers next to the door and said our final goodbyes.  I mean, I know we’re going to be back to visit often, but…today is difficult.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget how awful it felt.

We then went back to dad’s place for afternoon tea and just hung out until it was time to go to the Month’s Mind mass.  It was a lovely service and it was very comforting to see so many people from the Goan community there.  With how busy everyone is, I’m so grateful for these small gestures that help our family to not feel alone in our sadness.

Thanks to a few wrong turns and miscommunications between our two family vehicles, we ended up at a restaurant far later than we had planned.  I guess it’s a good thing the kids don’t have school tomorrow.  But I had never been happier to get home – the physical experience of grief is a real thing.  I feel like I am tired all the time.  I hope I sleep tonight.  And I hope mom likes where she is.

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